 |
 |
 |
|||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||||||||
|
 |
Handling Unwanted Adviceby Elizabeth Pantley, 08/26/04Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyoneís feelings intact. Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So itís rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning personís comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways: Listen first Itís natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable. Disregard If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, ìInteresting!î Then go about your own business...your way. Agree You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic. Pick your battles If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This wonít have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, donít capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child. Steer clear of the topic If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then donít complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, ìWould you like a cup of coffee?î Educate yourself Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby. Educate the other person If your ìteacherî is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what youíve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other personís mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read. Quote a doctor Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, ìMy doctor said to wait until sheís at least six months before starting solids.î If your own doctor doesnít back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book. Be vague You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if youíve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, ìWeíre moving in that direction.î Ask for advice! Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. Sheíll be happy that she is helping you, and youíll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you donít agree on. Memorize a standard response Hereís a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: ìThis may not be the right way for you, but itís the right way for me.î Be honest Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, ìI know how much you love Harry, and Iím glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think youíre helping me when you give me advice about this, but Iím comfortable with my own approach, and Iíd really appreciate if youíd understand that.î Find a mediator If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you. Search out like-minded friends Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who donít understand your viewpoints. This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) You are welcome to reprint this article on your website or in your newsletter, provided that you reprint the entire article, including the complete byline with author's name and book title. Please also send a link or copy to elizabeth@pantley.com. Thank you. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Questions, Comments? Contact our friendly customer service at 1 (800)-473-3250 or email us at cs@babygiftcreations.com |
 |
Baby Basics... the ultimate layette |
