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What is Preventing Your Baby from Sleeping Through the Night?by Elizabeth Pantley, 08/26/04Examine Your Own Needs and Goals Todayís society leads us to believe that ìnormal babiesî sleep through the night from about two months; my research indicates that this is more the exception than the rule. The number of families in your boat could fill a fleet of cruise ships. ìAt our last day-care parent meeting, one father brought up the fact that his two-year-old daughter wasnít sleeping through the night. I discovered that out of 24 toddlers only six stayed asleep all night long.î ÖRobin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia You must figure out where your own problem lies. Is it in your babyís routine, in your management of it, or simply in the minds of others? If you can honestly say you want to change your babyís sleep habits because they are truly disruptive to you and your family, then youíre ready to make changes. But if you feel coerced into changing Babyís patterns because Great Grandma Beulah or your friend from playgroup says thatís the way it should be, itís time for a long, hard think. Certainly, if your little one is waking you up every hour or two, you donít have to think long on the question, ìIs this disruptive to me?î It obviously is. However, if your baby is waking up only once or twice a night, itís important that you determine exactly how much this pattern is disturbing to you, and decide on a realistic goal. Be honest in assessing the situation's effect on your life. Begin today by contemplating these questions: ï Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated? ï Is my babyís nighttime routine negatively affecting my marriage, job, or relationship with my other children? ï Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested? ï Am I happy, healthy, and well rested? Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your babyís sleep, but also how motivated you are to make a change. Reluctance to Let Go of Those Nighttime Moments A good, long, honest look into your heart may truly surprise you. You may find you actually relish those quiet night wakings when no one else is around. I remember in the middle of one night, I lay nursing Coleton by the light of the moon. The house was perfectly, peacefully quiet. As I gently stroked his downy hair and soft baby skin, I marveled at this tiny being beside meóand the thought hit me, ìI love this! I love these silent moments that we share in the night.î It was then that I realized that even though I struggled through my babyís hourly nighttime wakings, I needed to want to make a change in our night waking habits before I would see any changes in his sleeping patterns. You may need to take a look at your own feelings. And if you find youíre truly ready to make a change, youíll need to give yourself permission to let go of this stage of your babyís life and move on to a different phase in your relationship. There will be lots of time to hug, cuddle, and love your little one, but you must truly feel ready to move those moments out of your sleeping time and into the light of day. Worry About Your Babyís Safety We parents worry about our babies, and we should! With every night waking, as we have been tending to our childís nightly needs, we have also been reassured that our baby is doing fine ó every hour or two all night long. We get used to these checks; they provide continual reassurance of Babyís safety. ìThe first time my baby slept five straight hours, I woke up in a cold sweat. I nearly fell out of bed and ran down the hall. I was so sure that something was horribly wrong. I nearly wept when I found her sleeping peacefully.î ÖAzza, mother of seven-month-old Laila Co-sleeping parents are not exempt from these fears. Even if you are sleeping right next to your baby, youíll find that you have become used to checking on her frequently through the night. Even when sheís sleeping longer stretches, you arenít sleeping, because youíre still on security duty. These are very normal worries, rooted in your natural instincts to protect your baby. Therefore, for you to allow your baby to sleep for longer stretches, youíll need to find ways to feel confident that your baby is safeóall night long. Once you reassure yourself that your baby is safe while you sleep, youíll have taken that first step toward helping her sleep all night. Belief That Things Will Change on Their Own You may hope, pray, and wish that one fine night, your baby will magically begin to sleep through the night. Maybe youíre crossing your fingers that heíll just ìoutgrowî this stage, and you wonít have to do anything different at all. Itís a very rare night-waking baby who suddenly decides to sleep through the night all on his own. Granted, this may happen to youóbut your baby may be two, three or four years old when it does! Decide now whether you have the patience to wait that long, or if you are ready to gently move the process along. Too Fatigued to Work Toward Change Change requires effort, and effort requires energy. In an exhausted state, we may find it easier just to keep things as they are than try something different. In other words, when Baby wakes for the fifth time that night, and I'm desperate for sleep, it's so much easier just to resort to the easiest way to get him back to sleep (rock, nurse, or replace the pacifier) than it is to try something different. Only a parent who is truly sleep deprived can understand what Iím saying here. Others may calmly advise, ìWell if things arenít working for you, just change what youíre doing.î However, every night waking puts you in that foggy state where the only thing you crave is going back to sleepóplans and ideas seem like too much effort. If you are to help your baby sleep all night, you will have to force yourself to make some changes and follow your plan, even in the middle of the night, even if itís the tenth time your baby has called out for you. So, after reading this section and youíre sure you and your baby are ready, itís time for you to make a commitment to change. That is the first important step to helping your baby sleep through the night. Excerpted with permission by McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Publishing from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 2002 Website: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth USA: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071381392/qid%3D1003592050/sr%3D1-5/ref%3Dsr%5F1%5F11%5F5/002-1419920-8436816 Canada: http://www.amazon.ca/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071381392/qid%3D1026668674/sr%3D1-1/ref%3Dsr%5F1%5F0%5F1/702-1316659-8088819 UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071381392/qid%3D1019681327/sr%3D1-7/ref%3Dsr%5F1%5F0%5F7/026-8551436-6902850 |
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