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When Toddlers bite other childrenby Elizabeth Pantley, 04/20/05Learn about it Your friend has obviously had some experience with toddlers, and she knows that biting a playmate is common in this age group (perhaps her daughter has already been on the other side of the action.) Toddlers donít have the words to describe their emotions, they donít quite know how to control their feelings, and they donít have any concept of hurting another person. When a toddler bites a friend, it most likely isnít an act of aggression: It is simply an immature way of trying to get a point across, experimentation with cause and effect, or playfulness gone awry. What not to do about biting Many parents respond emotionally when their toddler uses his teeth on another human being; their immediate response is anger, followed by punishment. This is because we view the act from an adult perspective. However, if we can understand that a toddler bite is most likely a responsive reflex, we can avoid responding in the following typical, yet unnecessary and ineffective ways: ß Donít bite your child back to ìshow him how it feels.î He isnít purposefully hurting his playmate. He doesnít understand that what he did is wrong, so by responding with the same action you may actually be reinforcing that this is an acceptable behavior, or confusing him entirely. ß Donít assume that your child is willfully misbehaving. The ways that youíll treat these behaviors in an older child, who understands that biting is wrong, will be different than how you will approach this with a toddler. ß Donít yell at your toddler. This will do nothing more than scare her; it wonít teach her anything about what sheís just done. What to do about biting When you understand that your childís actions are normal, and that they arenít intentional misbehavior, you will be able to take the right steps to teach her how to communicate her anger and frustration. This takes time, and sheíll need more than one lesson. Hereís how to teach your child not to bite: ß Watch and intercept As you become familiar with your toddlerís actions, you may be able to stop a bite even before it even occurs. If you see that your child is getting frustrated or angry ñ perhaps in the middle of a tussle over a toy ñ step in and redirect her attention to something else. |
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